Fast Food Tour of America '09

Scottish Stevie's VideoBlog #3

2009-08-30T14:19:00.000-07:00

The Atlantic

2009-08-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

A real sense of winding down has descended on the tour, most notably this evening, as we have essentially completed our trip. This afternoon, we arrived in Portland, Maine, officially conquering the USA.

We left Providence and arrived in Boston, spending a little time in Harvard Square before descending on Allston, our home for the weekend. Kate and Cat and their posse of the greatest cats ever were the perfect hosts. They took us (as well as the other three guests they were entertaining that weekend, so a grand total of eight St Andrews graduates were partying in Allston on Friday...) for nachos, chili, beer and baseball, then onto a bar/club filled with Bostonians who all wished they were British. As we danced to Pulp and Suede, we were told that as Brits, we were the coolest people in the place by default. Ironically, we're all after Green Cards...

We drank a lot of PBR and had a lot of fun.

Waking up the next morning was a little more difficult than usual. Hungover (it took Neil until 8PM that evening before he finally declared himself 'post-hangover'), HOT and tired we headed into the city. Boston is pretty spectacular, and feels quite small downtown, so the walking wasn't as much of a pain in the ass as it had been in other cities. Particular highlights were the Common, little graveyards, the Statehouse and of course the waterfront.

We took a trip to Fenway to watch some more baseball and drink some more beers. We also enjoyed some Little League World Series, the single most engaging live sporting event on the planet.

Back to Allston for more chili and beer, then once reunited with the rest of the team, we headed to some dude's basement where Cat's band were playing a show. And they were good. And she forced her band to learn a Jonas Brothers song for us. She's quite the rockstar. Good going Cat.

Sadly there are no photos, but to make up for it, have a myspace link pushed in yr face yeah?

www.myspace.com/helloninjaband

Click it.

We had a super good time, so thanks a million to Cat and Kate, and Will for the amazing sandwich which did not last long, and to Rachel and Pete and Claire for hanging out with us, and most especially to Clarence and his sidekicks for keeping us entertained. I have never seen a posse of cats quite so organized with their scheming and troublemaking.

Today we took a leisurely drive thru New Hampshire to Maine. We watched a little NASCAR with a beer then drove out to Two Lights and the Lobster Shack.

The Lobster Shack is essentially identical to that chippie in Anstruther that everyone goes to. Except here there are ample picnic tables outside, you're sitting on the beautiful Maine/Atlantic coastline, it isn't freezing all the time, and instead of fish and chips, you're going for a lobster dinner.

Life is pretty good when you're eating lobster. Especially when you're eating it here.

And just like that, we're done. We beat America. Tomorrow we return to Massachusetts. On Tuesday it's NYC, and what is sure to be an emotional goodbye to Caroline the Chevy. And probably a less emotional goodbye to Michael.

On Wednesday, it's goodbye to the States. On thursday, it's home. Goddamnit.

Fast Food Boys 3-0 American Cities

2009-08-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

I can only apologize for the lack of updates. We've been pretty busy. After uploading photos etc., blogging takes second place to sleep, as much sleep as I can possibly get. Anyway. Here's what we've been up to. Last time we spoke was from Morgantown, WV. The next day we left for Virginia, stopping by a bad ass farmer's market.

We arrived at Todd and Liz's beautiful farm mid afternoon, and so began two days of the best hospitality the US has to offer. We're talking comfy beds, use of laundry machines, SATELLITE TV, steak, sticky toffee pudding, homebrew... I can't overstate just how vital this stay was to our wellbeing, both physical and mental. Thank you ever so much guys, we had a total blast.

After a solid, solid sleep, in separate beds, we had a big day in DC. Iwo Jima, Arlington, Air and Space, Capitol Building, American History, Washington, WWII, Vietnam, Lincoln, Korea... once again, all in 100 degree heat. Amazing day though, in probably my favourite city in the world. So thank you very much Todd, and thank you very much Mr Smithsonian.

Knackered, we demolished steak and slept like babies. Next up, Philadelphia.

Via Gettysburg!

Then FIVE GUYS! Five Guys was a little more expensive than expected, but it was the best burger i've ever had, the fries were great, and there were peanuts to munch on. GOOD LUNCH.

Philly. We knocked off the stadiums, then drove into the city. And parked next to the Liberty Bell. Having a car is amazing.

Rocky steps!

And most importantly, cheesesteaks. We figured the only fair way to do it, was have a cheesesteak at Pat's...

Then across the road, Geno's...

It's sad to say, because I thought it would be a much tighter decision, but Geno's won on every count. Quality of sub, taste of steak, consistency of Whizz... Geno's cheesesteaks are one of the greatest foodstuffs on this planet.

Full, the boys retired to the room for some Letterman, and I took a 20 minute drive to Delaware. Just so I never have to go back. It pretty much sucked.

Day 3 of the City Swing, City 3. New York City. We drove up through Staten Island, across the Verzano Bridge onto Brooklyn. Nice view.

Dump the car, get on the subway, meet the boys from the Mango, grab a New York Slice, and head to Coney Island.

(There was no rat there. Nothing at all. Just a minging pit. Worth every penny.)

We got the subway across to Manhattan, had a few cold PBRs in the Village, then hit Chinatown for a great meal, and some Taro and Green Tea ice cream.

To end a great day, a walk across Brooklyn Bridge.

Us 3-0 American cities. DC, Philly and NYC in 3 days. We felt pretty smug.

We woke late and headed north to New Haven, CT. Which was a little disappointing, most of the Yale buildings were being done up etc. etc. But Little Italy did not disappoint, and neither did Frank Pepe's Tomato Pies.

Or the italian ice.

Or the cannoli.

Today, a short trip up the coast to visit the Kings of Extortion at Mystic, CT, then Stonington, CT, which was very nice.

Then another winning town, in fact, one of the winningest towns of the trip, Providence, Rhode Island. Featuring such sights as the Brown Bear, or Brown fame.

Fire On The Water (minus the fire)

And a pretty amazing State House.

Good work Rhode Island!

This evening we had pizza and salad, or in my case, 1lb of steak on a roll. Yikes. We've since watched some football, and waited for Emma Watson to appear on one of the Late Nite shows. The only problem is we can't remember which one she's on. We're flicking between Robin Williams (+) on Conan (-) and Paul McCartney (double -) on Letterman (+).

We did pretty good huh? Boston tomorrow.

Catch Up

2009-08-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

After Lawrence, we drove up through Missouri, through Council Bluffs, IA and over the water to Omaha, Nebraska.

The trend continued. We ate BBQ (don't want to give away too much before the Top BBQ of Tour Post, but it was freakin' incredible), walked to somewhere which was closed...

... drank in an Irish bar (this time with a real Irish bartender who gave us free booze) and then ate again. Steak, because we we're in Nebraska. Lots of fun, and a nice city to boot.

Next up, back into Iowa for a long, dull, corn-filled drive to Illinois, and eventually, Chicago!

We arrived early evening, so headed straight to Wrigleyville to see where Mike's Cubbies play ball, then found a bar with $2 burger and fries and $2 domestics. Victory was ours once again.

Up nice and early next morning to see our lovely motel in the daylight...

Then straight into the city for real.

After a reallllly long strolling around (thankfully it didn't get too hot) we returned to Wrigleyville, this time for slightly more expensive beer, and dollar Chicago style hot dogs.

Ok! From Chicago... Into Indiana, to South Bend, home of the University of Notre Dame, and the Fighting Irish. Also home to a really awesome trophy room.

Then onto Kentucky, and Louisville!

First stop is an obvious one. Cave Hill Cemetery.

Probably the only cemetery in the world where there is a yellow line on the road leading people from the gate to one single grave amongst thousands. God Bless America, and God Bless The Colonel.

Then we drove around, admiring things. Like the Ohio River...

The incredible Louisville Slugger museum type place...

And ate. An Arbys (B-) and more BBQ (A+)

While waiting on our BBQ, we drank some dollar Pabst, and Neil nipped across the road for a haircut.

Apparently the entire exchange ended with said barber asking Neil if he was "from another country?" Kentucky people have seemed extra strange about us not being local.

Louisville was fantastic though.

And it will forever hold a special place in our hearts, as driving down Bardstown Road late that night, we hit the 10,000 mile mark on our trip. We're very proud of ourselves, and very proud of our lovely Caroline.

Today was a driving day, not much more.

Tonight we're in a fairly spacious Econolodge in the Lovely Morgantown. We arrived late so haven't seen much of it, but we're appreciating windy roads and a lack of grids. We also appreciated some Wendys. Tonight, we're gonna enjoy some Kimmel, some Conan, some Letterman, some Craig Ferguson, and we're definitely not going to enjoy any Jimmy Fallon. Someone needs to shoot Jimmy Fallon.

Tomorrow... some old fashioned southern hospitality courtesy of some of Steve's relatives, and Washington DC. We're gonna take serious advantage of the Smithsonian's generosity.

Later kids.

Back in the South!

2009-08-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

Just a flying update...

Had a great day in Louisville, Kentucky. Colonel one night, BBQ tonight... we've been eating well. Chicago was fantastic, everyone is alive and well. All is good.

Tomorrow we're in Morgantown, WV, and if we can't find a decent pub quiz, we're going to go back early, and as long as there is internet, we'll photo blog.

While i'm here, this is the Tour's favourite song right now...

New Country Q 103.1 Louisville is the greatest radio station ever, 52 minutes of new country per hour!

Returning East. Slowly.

2009-08-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

So we had some fun in Denver. Unfortunately, in a city with over 300 days of sunshine per year, we got one of the rain days. Still, a really nice city, and it's downtown/financial district was pretty quiet for a place that size.

This is (another) state capitol, this time of Colorado, which has 7kgs of gold leaf on its dome. Great use of gold, guys.

Denver really is the Mile High City, this little marker is located on the thirteenth step up to the capitol. I think Mike must have taken this photo himself, 'cos none of us took it.

The US Mint, machine gun turrets and all, was unfortunately closed. But it did have a great gift shop, and we're now proud owners of the 2009 John Tyler Presidential Coin. Really, of all the presidents...

We took a stroll downtown, saw Coors Field...

...then celebrated National Cheesecake Day with half price cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. God Bless America. If you ever get the chance, try the Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Cheesecake.

Next up was a short drive towards the Rockies, to Golden, CO. Home of the Coors Brewery. The best room was the one where they put all the cans in boxes.

At the end of the tour, they reward your patience of putting up with a thousand insufferable little kids walking around with their negligent parents by offering you three glasses of various Coors products. Thank you, Miller-Coors.

Then we did what we always do, drink Miller High Life in a sports bar and have bartenders ask stupid questions about our accents.

All round, Denver was almost two thumbs up. Next morning, we set off for Lawrence, KS. Sadly, Lawrence, Kansas is about 600 miles away. And West Kansas is... nothing. Absolutely nothing. The road doesn't bend for 350 miles. It is the flattest place on the planet. West Kansas has fields of corn, tornados, and ghost towns. Like Kanorado.

It was worth the effort though, Lawrence has been fantastic. Like most of the college towns we've visited, it's got a massive, beautiful campus, great bars, great shops, a nice downtown bit... super good. Their school mascot is the Jayhawk, which looks like this.

It looks a lot like the France '98 mascot. Can anyone remember that mascot's name? We can't.

We stopped by the Bob Dole Institute of Politics, which was surprisingly really great, and had a really nice 9/11 memorial, with the world's largest stained glass US flag and some girders from Ground Zero.

Turns out ol' Bob is now working on fixing world hunger with my best buddy George McGovern. Good for him.

We headed downtown, did a little window shopping, and found a really great record store. Which has a cat.

A lot of shops in Lawrence have cats, just hanging out. It's pretty great.

On returning to our favourite bar for some $2 Pabst, we find the street it's on has been closed off, and there is now a stage shaped like a Pirate Ship at the bottom.

Surreal enough, but what was stranger was that exactly the same thing happened to Market Street in St Andrews some point last semester, Pirates and all. It was kind of fun, but eventually we settled for more beer and some pool. And then the long trudge to the Days Inn.

Now it's bed time. Tomorrow, Omaha, Nebraska.

Love to our mothers.

Help?

2009-07-30T00:42:00.000-07:00

The blog seems to be cutting the right hand side of the photos off... which more often than not removes Steve from the pictures. While some on tour consider this a plus, we do realise it is slightly unfair.

Any ideas?

The Rest Of The West

2009-07-29T23:56:00.000-07:00

Yellowstone National Park.

Boom! It's like Disney's Animal Kingdom, but way bigger, and less Lion King. Bison, bald eagles, elk (but no bears), canyons, geysers, waterfalls, a massive lake... it has everything. Really really great.

Our last nite's camping would have been totally fine, was it not for the fact that it was the coldest night in the history of our planet. I gave up trying to get back to sleep around half 4, and made my way to the car, where with the help of 4 t shirts, blankets and a lot of socks, I warmed up enough that I managed to doze for another hour. Good times. The fudge at the campsite was pretty amazing though.

That morning we headed East again, across the width of Wyoming, our new favourite state. We had to drive through Yellowstone again, so that was neat. The rest of Wyoming was really impressive scenery wise, and its small towns were way cooler than the small towns in Montana/Idaho/Eastern Washington, which were all the worst and covered in billboards advising people not to use Meth. Good advice, I guess.

This is Cody, Wyoming, where I think I will live in the future.

It was a lonnnng days driving, 600 miles or so, and by the time we got to South Dakota it was dark. But not dark enough to prevent Neil from spotting a KFC All You Can Eat from the interstate. What followed was pretty absurd, but for $9.60 we had as much chicken as any man could ever want, and 4 different varieties at that. The chicken counts would offend those of you with sensitive dispositions, but trust that we got our value for money.

Rapid City, SD was only home for a short while, but it was really boring. We headed away early this morning and made our first stop at Mount Rushmore. Note Mike's George Washington... I think he's been practicing that.

Two thumbs up for Mt. Rushmore. It doesn't disappoint in person, and it had the best gift shop we've seen yet.

The rest of the day was spent in Wyoming again, this time driving from North to South, aiming for Denver, CO. Sadly East Wyoming has a little less going for it, there were 80 mile stretches with not a building in sight, we passed through a 'town' with a population of 1... it was pretty desolate. It was another long day, so we arrived late again in Denver. Instead of heading out in the rain and finding a bar, we spent our money in a novel fashion. A drive in movie.

Unfortuntely the movie showing was Harry Potter, which was freakin' awful, but it was a pretty hilarious experience. Cant see any of us getting a chance to do it again, so glad we bothered ourselves.

Tomorrow we're gonna get to know Denver, hopefully knock off the Coors brewery and the US Mint. Then on Friday, a long, long, long drive through Kansas. Wish us luck.

The Pacific North West, and then East again.

2009-07-26T23:12:00.000-07:00

A quick photo catch up, from our Motel 6 room in Helena, MT. I say quick, because the boys are trying to sleep. I feel guilty.

We headed to Portland.

Via Wing Stop!

60 wings, a pound of potato salad, a pound of coleslaw and a basket of fries was too easy. We need a new challenge.

Portland was super great. We especially liked the bridges and Powells. We also liked the International Rose Test Garden.

Which isn't to be confused with the Rose Garden which hosts NBA games. Glen looks stupid, mental note made for next time. The roses were cool though.

We left Oregon and stopped in Vancouver, WA for breakfast. Wienerschnitzel did an amazing Super Cherry Mountain Dew, but its chili dogs...

Worst breakfast ever. Well, since Paris, TX.

We stopped by Olympia to see the State Capitol. Another good stop.

Then stopped in Kelso. Which is funny for those of you who know Steve.

Then Seattle, at last. It's a really nice city to drive into, especially when you pass your favourite baseball and football teams' stadiums on the way.

A super good stop and a great way to end the trek up the West Coast, Seattle had a lot going for it. Like Pike Place Market...

And giant apples.

We also met David Moyes...

And the entire Everton team/Harlem Globetrotters.

As usual, lots more photos, including cool things like more fish, more fruit, the Space Needle, and other fancy stuff Mike takes, just check the flickrs.

We sadly had to leave Seattle and spend a long day driving through Washington, and then Idaho, so we could get to Glacier National Park.

This is what Michael thought of Idaho...

Montana has fared a little better.

We rolled up to our campsite at West Glacier a little after dark, after another satisfying take on the Bargain menu at Pizza Hut. Putting up the tent in the dark is difficult enough, but the super mental Montana lightning made it a little scarier than it needed to be.

A pretty terrible night's sleep was totally worth it for our visit to Glacier NP this morning, which is so far the group's second favourite park, and my personal favourite, just edging out Grand Canyon. I'm all about the U-Shaped Valleys.

We arrived safe and sound in Helena, despite more of Mother Nature trying to kill us...

... and enjoyed our first Walmart Supercenter since Mike arrived, then knocked off another American tradition, Applebees for dinner on a Sunday.

Tomorrow is Yellowstone. And our last night of camping. Thank Jesus.

Another Alive Update

2009-07-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

Just a quick one from West Glacier, Montana, to let all of our loved ones know that we're all still alive. We've had good times in Portland, OR, and Seattle, WA, and today we drove thru Idaho to here in the middle of freakin' nowhere. We've just pitched the tent in the dark, on what certainly felt like concrete... Steve and his mallet managed well, destroying only 9 pegs. More worryingly, there is the mother of all lightning storms overhead. There's like a 45% chance we're gonna die tonight.

THank goodness tomorrow we're back to a comfy Motel 6 in Helena, MT, after what is supposedly the nicest drive on the planet Earth, the Going To The Sun Road, through Glacier National Park. We promise to photo blog tomorrow nite, barring any internet/life restrictions.

Hope all is well at home.

Oh yeah, we definitely met the Everton FC team in Seattle. So, that was weird.

Californiaaaaaaaaa

2009-07-21T00:28:00.000-07:00

So we've been pretty lazy on the blog front, and after the hot dogs and Miller High Life tonite, i'm going to be pretty lazy again. Short blog ahoy!

We're camping in amongst the Redwoods in Crescent City, CA, a few miles from the Oregon border. Best campsite yet. So since we properly updated last, we've been a few places. Like...

Vegas. 2 days in Vegas was pretty tiring, but $20 all you can drink and $20 all you can eat made things pretty interesting. If you want play by plays from these occasions you should email one of us. Never before have three men drank as many margaritas, or eaten as much prime rib... anyway.

Next up was a drive thru the desert to the gorgeous city of San Diego. Here are the original team coming face to face with the Pacific, after a 4000 mile trip from the Atlantic. We're looking pretty smug.

Not long after arriving, we collected Michael from the airport. Here he is, ruining San Diego's ambiance.

All of San Diego was pleasing to us, especially the breeze, it was a good 25 degrees cooler than the swamps and deserts of the previous fortnight. Unfortunately, this meant we got a little lazy with the sun cream.

After a long day of walking and soaking up the sights, we went to Petco Park for our first ball game of the trip, Rockies at Padres.

Pretty great for $14! Here's Mike enjoying his first fast food of the trip, a delicious dog.

The game got a little dull towards the end as the Padres collapsed, but it was a great night nonetheless.

Early start, on the road! Neil once again handled some stressful traffic detail, this time driving thru the nightmare that is LA. We're all really glad we decided there was nothing for us in Los Angeles. It looked awful. We just carried on up the Pacific Highway to Santa Margarita for a night of cheap tequila, bud light, hot dogs and margaritas.

Next up was driving through Big Sur!!!

It was foggy.

It still was an amazing drive, and Bixby Canyon Bridge was a great stop.

We arrived in Palo Alto where our lovely host Kirsten did an incredible job of looking after us for a few days. We had the best burgers of the tour yet at In N Out Burger (Steve went mental for the secret menu 'Animal style' burger, a perk of hanging out with a local) and went for a few beers after seeing the very impressive Stanford Campus, and indeed walking past Steve Jobs' house. Which has an apple orchard for a front yard. Of course it does.

The next day we hit San Francisco hard.

After the best Irish Coffee we've ever had (from somewhere renowned for it, I believe)...

...another insider tip led us to a Mexican place on The Mission for what was easily the best Mexican food in the world. We're assuming it was better than Mexican food from Mexico, because, well, it's in the first world.

The ice cream we got after was even better. Flavour highlights included salted caramel, balsamic strawberry and brown butter pecan. Holy cat.

Many many thanks to Kirsten for looking after us so well. Parents, you'll be glad to know she loaded us up with fruit, and apart from the In N Out burger, all food was of a healthier variety. I have a funny feeling Scottish Stevie will be continuing his Good People Of America blog shortly.

Today we set off up the peninsula, crossed the Golden Gate,

And headed for Redwood country. Pretty impressive.

Tonight's camping has been a lot of fun, thanks to 24 cans of Miller High Life for $16. The boys are currently playing Jenga, and i'm finishing this blog. Tomorrow we meet our 14th state (and Mike's 2nd), Oregon. Good times ahoy.

Until then.

We're Alive

2009-07-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

And we'll update soon. In San Diego, going to pick Michael up in a few hours.

Coast to coast is complete. And we're not even a third of the way thru the trip.

Life continues to be good, in fact, life is way better with a Pacific Breeze than it is in the freakin' desert.

Rocks (Or the lack thereof)

2009-07-12T22:13:00.001-07:00

We left Albuquerque heading for Page, AZ, which would be our night stop before heading to the Grand Canyon today. Stopped for our first Burger King of the trip, and tried the new Double BBQ Stack Something Or Other. It was pretty tasty, and the Dr Pepper was excellent, but we waited, I swear to god, about 30 minutes for our food. New Mexican Fast Food service is easily the worst we've experienced yet. Worse even than the KFC in Dundee which once told us "There's just no chicken!"

But it didn't matter really, because yesterday's good stuff all came after lunch. We took a very smart detour, thanks to Steve's skills with Google Maps, and drove up into Utah, turning onto Route 163. Monument Valley, folks.

Don't get me wrong, the drive there was impressive enough.

But I can't really use proper words to describe the stuff we've seen the last few days. I'll just put some photos up instead. Steve took the drive through Monument Valley. Never seen anything like it.

Classic Scottish Steve.

Then we hit a little weather.

Oh, and a dust storm.

Scary stuff, but again well handled Caroline Chevy and Scottish Steve. A good team. We stayed in the plushest Motel 6 ever in Page, which was really busy, Busy with us, and about 900 Germans. This became really funny when the fire alarm went off at 1AM for about 8 seconds, and the fire trucks arrived and plugged in anyway. Neil and I went out to check out the commotion, and saw a lot of very confused Germans. Worryingly they had no idea why the alarm went off, but we didn't fry in our sleep, so I reckon there was no fire.

Neil took over driving detail. We took a mini detour into town to see Glen Canyon and Lake Powell, then headed the 100 miles or so the the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. Another spectacular drive, which often looked a little like this.

There isn't much point putting photos of the Canyon up, we really don't know where to start. It's impossible to take photos of, there's just so much of it. Like everyone says, it really doesn't disappoint.

More classic Scottish Steve.

Home for the night is St George, Utah. But another detour was in order first, through Zion National Park. A very good move, thanks a bunch to my old man for the tip.

Again, photos don't do it justice, but it was the drive of my life, I only wish we had a manual transmission car! Driving through mountains and canyons in an automatic is a bona fide pain in the ass. But it doesn't matter, Zion looked like equal parts Jurassic Park and Frontierland from Disneyworld. What does it say about me that Zion reminded me of Splash Mountain? Everything, I think. I thought we had a video of us singing the Jurassic Park theme as we descended into the canyon, but alas...

We dined at Outback tonight. Between us we consumed wings, chicken, shrimp, ribs, steak, sweet potato fries, salad, regular fries, garlic mash, peanut butter cheesecake, regular cheesecake, pecan brownie and key lime pie. And a lot of soda. Still recovering.

Tomorrow...

Oooooh, Las Vegas!

Until next time...

Mexico (Kind of)

2009-07-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

So Scottish Steve got you caught up through Texas. And a good job he did.

We woke up in Van Horn, oh, every hour on the hour until the sun was up and we could viably get on the road. A combination of mobile phone alarms, mental dogs, crickets and robot birds meant sleep wasn't great. It was far cooler than it was in Arkansas though, so that's something.

The first target of the day (i've lost track of what day it is... I think waking up in Van Horn was day 12, let's call it day 12 anyway.) was El Paso. El Paso looked terrible. We drove through it planning on stopping somewhere for breakfast tacos. Nowhere took our fancy. We did, however, see Mexico.

We're pretty much assuming that that was Mexico. Suz Sat Nav and the map implied that we were driving along the border. None of us were even remotely impressed by Mexico. Or El Paso for that matter, it looked like Mexico but with... y'know, American stuff.

That's more Mexico. Over there by the horizon. As you can tell, we didn't really get any decent photos from El Paso/Mexico. But whatever.

Despite our general disdain for Mexico, we were set on breakfast tacos, so breakfast tacos we had to have. Sadly, we couldn't be bothered to look too far off the beaten track, so Taco Cabana is was.

The can in the Taco Cabana was pretty funny because of this sign.

Apparently if I think I might be pregnant, I shouldn't drink. I double checked, I was definitely in the men's restroom. Can Mexican men get pregnant? I don't know. I hope so.

Anyway. Taco Cabana breakfast was absolutely terrible.

That is Steve eating his chorizo and egg breakfast burrito. Yuck.

I was pretty repulsed by everything on the menu, so much so that the cheese and bean taco almost sounded appetizing. But there was a mystery word, something called 'barbacoa' on offer, so I enquired as to what it was. She didn't seem that sure, and eventually settled on "... cow meat?"

Good enough for me.

Mistake.

Highly unsatisfying. Nice decor though.

Neil and I were not content. We needed more breakfast, and more Mexican. Well thank goodness that there was a Taco Bell across the road. Between us all we got through a soft chicken taco with hot sauce, a cheesy double beef burrito (only a dollar and apparently very good!), cinnamon twists, and some more Baha Blast. A much better breakfast.

Time to get back on the road. Sadly, within minutes we were in New Mexico. Now I know a lot of cool things are based in New Mexico. Los Alamos, the new Space Port, um... Roswell! But for the most part, meh. The whole drive up to Albuquerque looked like this.

A few hundred miles later, this was Albuquerque.

Again, nothing that special. The usual police presence at the usual Motel 6, the usual fast food chains, supermarkets etc. etc. But we eventually found the main drag, which used to be on Route 66. This was cool, lots of neon and quirky looking shops. We were hoping to catch an Isotopes minor league game, but they were on the road. Typical.

For dinner, we ate at Pizza Hut, to sample their new Big Eat menu, which Neil had been excited about since February apparently. We've persuaded Neil that he has to eventually blog about the Pizza Hut experience, because it was way too funny. I'm not gonna give too much away, but here's a photo, and so you know, this is Neil starting his meal, about 1hr 40 mins after we ordered.

For dessert we had our first Sonic. The cherry limeade coolers which are being pushed heavy on the tv right now were ok, a little dissapointing.

Mainly a travel day, but we had some fun.

This morning we headed west to Gallup, then north to Utah, where we drove Route 163 through Monument Valley. Highlight of the trip so far, but way too many photos, so i'll need some time to cover it in the blog properly. It'll be a good one though.

So goodnight from Page, AZ. Tomorrow, we go to the Canyon. We've made sandwiches and we're ready to go.

To West Texas

2009-07-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

So the plan for Thursday was a leisurely 575 miles from Austin to Van Horn. Before we get to that though our favourite city in our our favourite state gets one last mention. The second night in Austin started off in similar fashion to the one before, in the same bar actually. After 3 pints (Miller High Life for Neil and EG and Lonestar for SS) we decided we'd have to push ourselves and see what the town really had to offer.

What we found was that there was lots and lots of the cheapest alcohol any of us had even seen this side of the iron curtain. Plus some excellent street food.

The finisher was surely the two Kamikaze's we had on a rooftop bar none of us can remember the name of. It was pretty much a margarita. Only the strongest, tastiest margarita you ever had.

That about sums that up. So now to Van Horn with a quick (150 mile) detour to MOJOland and visit to the home of the Permian Panthers. It my seem like a long way to go for high school football, especially since school isn't in for another 6 weeks, but for us coming so close without a visit would have been unforgiveable.

Anyway before that we had a lot of ground to cover. Driving south on I35 from Austin we soon start to see the landscape change towards the Texas we had heard about in the movies. Rolling green hills were replaced by sandy soil and the vegetation seemed to get lower to the ground with every mile.

We quickly made it to San Antonio but turned sharp right before we really got into the city and rejoined the I10. We had left the road back in Louisiana but it coulnd't be more diferent to the humid swamps we endured there. Almost as soon as we turned west the desert opened out infront of us.

Every turn in the road seemed to offer a stretch longer and straighter than the one before.

It was breathtaking.

Finally after 150 miles or so we were ready to head north-west to Odessa and our date with the turf that spawned the Friday Night Lights franchise. Suzie SatNav had been quiet for a long time and the long straight roads must have got to her. The exit she told us was 18 miles away, she suddenly decided was 400ft infront of us (in fact it was about 400ft behind us). This was a potential flash point in our already strained relationship with Suzie but it was a real blessing in disguise. 12 miles later we took a smaller c-road off the interstate and it turned out to be golden.

Back on track and now cruising to the soundtrack from FNL we rolled through some old fashioned oil country and were feeling good. Odessa was approaching

It was bleak and there was little of the MOJO pride we had expected to be on show at every turn. Nevertheless we pushed on and managed to find the home of our beloved Panthers.

Sadly Ratliff stadium and its 19,302 seats was tighly locked up for the summer and we could only view it from behind a chain-link fence.

It was definitely worth it. The atmosphere of the place in the late afternoon sun made us long for the sights and sounds of a friday night in the fall when all the local diehards would make the place rock.

150 miles to Van Horn. The sun was setting and as we chased it westwards it dropped slowly and gave us 2 hours of beautiful Texas skies.

We finally made it to what turned out to be little more than a truck stop town on the Texas mountain trail. Motels, gas stations and fast food plus our little camp site. It was actually perfect.

After 12 hours on the go there was just time for a Subway and a 6 pack under the stars.

Goodnight Texas. We had to leave but it's safe to say we'll all be back.

Don't Mess With Texas

2009-07-08T19:05:00.001-07:00

It has been a HOT couple of days people. The weather website tells me that when we were strolling around Austin today, it was 106 degrees. That's uh... that's probably a little cooler than the tent in Texarkana was, but seriously, that has to be the hottest any of us have experienced.

Anyway, we got up yesterday and nipped across the road for our first Waffle House breakfast.

Waffles with chocolate chips, waffles with bacon, waffles with pecans... all with the jug of syrup. Yeah, it was a good breakfast.

The aim for the day was the 250 miles or so south to Austin. First up though, Suze The Sat Nav had taken a cold shower and regained her skillz. We headed 10 miles up the Interstate to Cowboys Stadium. Wow.

So this is the new home of the Dallas Cowboys, to be broken in starting in September. They haven't quite finished building it yet, there were construction guys doing bits and pieces, but they opened it for tours last week, and we had to take one. Very worthwhile.

Behind Neil and Steve you can see the world's largest television screen. It hangs 90 feet off the pitch at the moment, but they are worried that punters might be able reach it, so they're looking at how to raise. They need to lift it 10 feet in October anyway, because otherwise it would interfere with U2's stage set up. You gotta love it... If we remember right, it's 7 stories tall, 11,520 square foot, and has 3.5 million LED lights. That's per screen by the way, there are two of those size, and two smaller ones at the ends. It's incredible. Have a video.

The tour was great, we saw from a lot of stands, into a few exec. boxes, the locker room, really really worthwhile, but Steve felt a little guilty funding the enemy.

Oh, and how's this for a nice view of the Rangers Ballpark?!

So yeah, time to say goodbye to Fort Worth, and hello to the I-35.

It was a nice drive, Steve dealt with it very well, and it provided a good chance to sample some new varieties of Mountain Dew. Both WoW types. I liked the Fruit Punch a little more, the others preferred the Cherry Citrus. Both were great, would drink again.

We arrived in Austin, checked into the motel etc. etc. and got the bus into town. The Austin bus service is A.OK., we're big fans. It's dirt cheap, regular, air con is great, the drivers very friendly. Best bus service yet. Thumbs up Austin.

Austin seems to do everything really well though. I think we're all agreed that this has been the best stop we've made yet. Downtown is gorgeous, check out the State Capitol!

We got there around 8PM and it looked really quiet, but we tried the door and just walked right in. As impressive inside as it was outside.

From the front gate the Capitol building looks down Congress Avenue.

And a few blocks down is the famous Sixth Street, where apparently all of American's musicians, and most of their homeless people, hangout.

That's not really fair, there were only a few homeless people. And credit to them, they were for the most part, very friendly. We needed food, so settled for Buffalo Billiards which had happy hour all night, and half price appetizers. Good move. Enter potato skins, chili fries and Buffalo wings, for a grand total of about 8 bucks.

We had some beers, enjoyed the atmosphere and headed back to the motel, via the Capitol Building. Very nice.

We slept in a little this morning! Up at nine, had a little breakfast at the motel and got back on the bus, this time to the University of Texas Campus. How's this for a stadium?

Spent a little time and a little money in the shop, and struggled through the sun to the LBJ Presidential Library and Museum, which turned out to be the only free Presidential Library in the country! Nice coincidence, we really are Scots abroad. This is the front facing of the archive, which apparently has 45 million documents. No email back then, as the friendly door clerk reminded us.

Check Steve and Neil chillin' in the Oval Office, 7/8 of the real size!

Very enjoyable experience all round, and the shop at the end was my highlight so far, original McGovern '72 campaign buttons! I spent six months reading about this dude, might as well get me some buttons and a poster.

Anyway, enough culture, it was time for some barbecue. And I think we picked good. The Iron Works. If it's good enough for Willie Nelson and Jay Leno (who regularly gets their ribs shipped to LA, apparently), it's way too good for us.

You go in, queue up, order, they make your plate right there, you get a soda, you pay, and you sit down. The tables have BBQ sauce, Tabasco, and massive roll of paper towels. Just as well...

Doesn't Steve look happy? We all played it safe and went for the 'Sampler'. Brisket, sausage and beef ribs, plus the usual fixin's of beans, potato salad, crunchy pickles, onion and bread.

Mike, we're talking directly to you here. That was the single greatest meal we have experienced. Everything about it was perfect. Texas BBQ is as good a cuisine as the world has to offer. You want us to bring you a rib buddy?

Ok, that'll do for now. We're going out. Tomorrow, we're going to Odessa. Mojo Football baby!

CLEAR EYES FULL HEARTS CAN'T LOSE.

EDIT- Last minute update, the news just said that this was the hottest day of the year so far for Austin. Yeouch. At least it wont get any hotter. Right?

Where South Meets West

2009-07-07T07:32:00.001-07:00

Wow, where to start...

Where did we leave off? I think we had landed in Mobile, AL. That seems like forever ago, but the calendar says it was 3 nites ago. Neat.

So Alabama.

So we get up sharpish again, and head back the way into Mobile, so we can see it in the daylight. Good decision because Mobile is great. I mean, it is actually great, but it seems far better in comparison with the rest of Gulf Coast Alabama. (Which looked backwards as sin.) It has a few classy looking tall buildings...

The USS Alabama is docked there and looks like...

Therefore it's obviously on the water. It's lovely.

Downtown Mobile was really lovely too, the main drag thru the town was called Government Blvd., the houses along it were amazo. By the way the photos here are just a sample, we just invested in a Flickr Pro account, so when we get to Austin i'll leave the laptop running and upload all 467 photos that we've taken so far. We get a little carried away...

Anyway. From Mobile we were heading to New Orleans. It was July 4. There were flags everywhere. Apparently New Orleans is the place to be for Independence Day. Excitement was rising. But we left early, and it was only 250 miles or something away, so instead of getting back on the I-10, we decided to follow the highway along the Gulf Coast. Wise choice. First up was Mississippi.

The road took us to Biloxi and hugged the coast the whole way.

This was great because Biloxi/Gulf Port has the longest most amazing beach ever.

The rest of Gulf Coast Mississippi was slightly more backward than Gulf Coast Alabama. I'd give it a B-.

Before we knew it, Louisiana was upon us. 5 states in 5 days!

The road to New Orleans was mostly over swamp and water and things of that nature. It included a bridge which was something stupid like 8 miles long.

Things got a little manic, but with Calm Neil at the helm, the roads of New Orleans were a piece of cake. It was a pretty impressive drive, and we saw the Superdome. Ace.

The camera battery was close to death, so we turned her off when we got to the hostel. The hostel was fine, very... functional. We got a disposable camera so when we get the photos back from there, you can see New Orleans from our point of view. It was absolutely bizarre, honestly totally mental and far less romantic than I imagined, but that probably had something to do with it being July 4. It was fantastic though. We walked a few blocks to St Charles where we jumped on a slow, packed streetcar, which had no air. Not a good start. It must have been about 100 degrees. We got off at Canal Street and walked straight down Bourbon Street. Bourbon Street was essentially three million black people, 9 white people, and us. The beer and the Hurricanes were flowing. The live music from the bars was so loud that it was actually too loud in the bars across the street. We felt like we were getting a little old. But it was so, so hot that the only solution was to drink a lot of Bud Lite. After too much Bud Lite for 3PM, we decided to head to the river to figure out where the fireworks would be. On the way, we got barbeque from a street vendor. Scottish Steve's Seal of Approval was dished out not only to the pork, but to the beans and the potato salad that came as sides. Best food of the trip so far. We make it to the river, it looks nice, we go back to Bourbon Street, we drink, we watch the worst karaoke ever, we join three million white people and nine black people at the river and watch a fantastic fireworks display off two barges on the Mississippi. Surreal experience. By this point it's nearly ten and it's still hotter than hell. We walk back up Bourbon Street, which is now mainly people vomming on the roadside and lots of cops shaking their heads, and take a nice long sweaty as hell walk back to the hostel. We're totally shattered and we get some sleep.

Day Whatever
We were woken a little early by some hostel patrons who stayed out and made a proper nite of things in New Orleans. True to form, straight back on the road. We stop at Shoneys and eat breakfast. Mainly pancakes and syrup. Neil eats some fruit, but it doesn't count because it's all dripping in syrup. I felt like I nearly died a little. A good experience. The target is Texarkana, named after three states. Can you guess which?

On the way we leave the road and nip into Baton Rouge to see the LSU Campus.

That is the football stadium. For college football. Can you believe it? Very cool. It gets better. Across the road, there's a zoo like enclosure. With a sign.

Yup, on closer inspection, there is a real live team mascot. It's a tiger. A real Bengal Tiger. Called Mike. Mike looked hot and grouchy. No wonder. If I can read roman numerals, I think this may be the 18th Mike. What a great country.

Back on the road. Up north through Louisiana, and Lousiana again improves the backwards rating. Really funny stuff, as long as you're not getting out of the car.

I'm giving Louisiana a backwards grade of B. By the time we get close to the Arkansas border, a guy passes us on the interstate and indicates to Steve that something is wrong with our wheel. Steve makes good use of his extensive sign language knowledge. We pull over. Nothing seems to be wrong with the tyres or wheels. Car experts that we are, we assume that putting air into the tyres is a smart move. We read the car manual. It says how much air should be in there. 26psi maybe? I've forgotten already. Problem is, the air pumps up here have no gauges on them. We buy one. It is officially useless. Much like us. So we guess. The tyres are yet to blowout. Touch wood.

We arrive to Texarkana a little later than expected.

Texarkana is infact two cities, joined right down the middle by a road called State Line Road. On one side is Texas. On the other, Arkansas. Thankfully, we're staying on the Texas side. This is good because Arkansas takes a sudden lead in the Hicksville Grading Scheme. A solid B+! They have running water, some electricity... that seems to be about it. Sadly however, this is our first camping stop of the trip. Don't get me wrong, the campsite was lovely. Really nice. And of the four tent pitches, we were the only guys there. I wonder why... We hit Walmart for beef franks, buns, charcoal, and Sweet Baby Rays Raspberry Chipotle BBQ Sauce. Steve gets to work...

We go to bed. I don't wanna talk about this too much... it was like 120 degrees in that tent. Steve lost about a stone by the time he woke up. I genuinely was panicking that I was going to suffocate, I woke up and felt like there was no oxygen in the air, hyperventilating, the works... We get up at 6AM. Time to shower. Oh, and time to realise that the tent has a flysheet so we could have opened the doors a little. Like I said, I don't wanna talk about it. The campsite sure was nice though.

Back on the road! End game today was Dallas-Ft. Worth. Not that far away, so plenty of time for detours. First stop, Paris, TX. Via Detroit. This made for a good sign.

We had breakfast in Paris. Sadly, we chose the US equivalent of a Lidl. This, was Breakfast in Paris for Glen

The orange soda was great. I don't wanna talk about the rest, i'm still regretting it. From here we head north, and before we know it are entering Oklahoma. We missed the road sign. I'm blaming Neil for this. 1.8 seconds is not enough of a heads up to turn the camera on, focus, and click. But we got some photos of other stuff.

Durant was pretty nice, looked like we were in the West for the first time. It felt good. We headed south from Durant and were back into Texas, in a far more impressive fashion this time.

70 miles or something later it's time for the Dallas/Ft. Worth region. Most intense driving experience of my life, and Suze the Sat Nav was very little help, god bless her.

But it was still exciting.

We took a little detour so Steve could bask in the parking lot of the now empty Texas Stadium, which has been replaced and how has no use. I think I heard a bit of the Philly Fight Song under his breath. The stadium was incredible, would have loved to have got in, but the outside was impressive enough.

We couldn't really figure out how to get close to the new Cowboys Stadium, but we saw it from a distance, and it looks like the greatest man made structure on the Planet Earth.

Out of photos for now, but the day continued with a mega feast at KFC (or KGC these days!) and dessert at Wendys. Too much food. We went to a mall and generally acted American. Neil and I exerted ourselves a little too much with laughing in Hot Topic. Just the best shop. Apparently young American goths are nuts for Twilight and Harry Potter.

We were all knackered at this point, so hit Taco Bell for a MD Baha Blast, and relaxed with a movie and Baseball Tonite.

Today, we're heading to Austin. This is an exciting time. Barbeque. Longhorn Football. It's on.

Morning from... Texas. Or Arkansas. Texarkana.

2009-07-06T05:26:00.000-07:00

Battery is almost dead on the laptop, so no major update probably until we get to Ft. Worth/Dallas tonite. If all goes to plan.

Just thought I best let our loved ones know that we did survive New Orleans, and have survived Arkansas. So far...

Texarkana is split between Texas and Arkansas, and the main drag down the middle is called State Line Road, the opposing state flags tied to the lamposts on the opposite sides of the road. Strange little place.

We camped last nite. I'll be honest, i've had more fun camping at T In The Park. But we had a quick BBQ in the fire pit with some beef franks and a raspberry chipotle Sweet Baby Rays BBQ Sauce. Mmhmm.

So yeah, it's all good. Big photo blog to come tonight hopefully.

Morning in Alabama

2009-07-04T05:35:00.001-07:00

Just a quick one before we head off for downtown Mobile, then New Orleans.

We're staying out here at Tillman's Corner in a Motel 6. It's standard fare, the room is pretty good for the price, all is fine.

But goddamn is there some strange people hanging around. At about 1AM last night I discovered the police officer who was literally patrolling the motel. First he kicked the two 16 year olds in bikinis out of the pool (unnecessary yeah?) then he came upstairs and sorted out the 12 yr old kid who was hanging around, shooting me funny looks whenever I spoke not like him. We chatted a little. He had the cutest little dog. Apparently he calls it 'Cocaine.' But say it in a drawl.

The car next to ours in the parking lot has a MASSIVE watermelon sitting in the front seat.

Louisiana is next. Louisiana is totally going to be worse.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY FROM THE FFT09 BOYS! This is gonna be a good day.

Day 5- Ft. Myers to Mobile, AL

2009-07-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

That was probably the strangest, and at the same time, the greatest, day of my life.

We had the car packed up and were ready to go at 6AM this morning. The car did not start. It was dead. In the 9 hours overnight since we'd last driven it, somehow it died. Absolutely gutted.

But then Team FOUS kicked into gear and were just lifesavers. AAA towed it to the place we bought it, they didn't know what was wrong, that was that. They can have the car back, we have to move on. We fly off to another car lot and within 15 minutes literally buy a replacement. A 2002 Chevy Tracker. It's incredible.

From absolute tragedy at 6AM, to full on glory at 9:15 AM, we finally hit the road, only one day behind schedule. The target for the day was Mobile, AL., about 700 miles away, via the Georgia State Line.

We literally drove the car straight off the lot, down Tamiami Trail, and onto the I-75. It was pretty intense. Steve took the wheel first and did real good. Oh yeah, for the sake of... whatever, here is the exact number of miles on the car when we started the trip.

Before we knew it, we were flying north through Florida.

We got the car with a half tank of fuel or so, which got us 200 miles I think. We pulled over to a gas station, and spent like 20 minutes drooling over everything on offer in the store. Couldn't believe my eyes, you can get a 64oz fountain soda for less than a buck fifty. Which is like... a pound. 64oz by the way, is just short of 2 litres. It is MASSIVE. None of us have braved one yet. Maybe tomorrow.

This is Neil struggling a little with the gas pump at our first fill up. Things were a little confusing, but he sussed it out. Back on the road with Neil at the helm, and we were off to the races again. In the roomy backseat, I enjoyed a July 4 cupcake.

Things got a little hairy as we approached Gainesville. We hit a little Florida weather.

At this point, I can introduce the first video from our trip. We've taken quite a few, but I never have the patience to upload the things to youtube. This is short and worthwhile. Neil handled the situation very well, there is no doubt in my mind I would have definitely killed everyone.

Thankfully it didn't last too long, and we could get back up to speed. With cruise control by the way. Cruise control, once you figure it out, is the single greatest invention in the world.

We empty the tank again and pull over at another services type place for gas and food. In the shop, they have things which plug into your cigarette lighter. Things like... pizza ovens. Serious.

We buy 3 tacky as hell Florida t shirts for $10, and go to Wendys. FAST FOOD STOP NUMBER 2!!!

Totally as good as I remember. Steve was a douche and had some chicken sandwich, Neil went for the 1/2lb Double and I had a 'Baconator', which was the same as Neil's but with bacon. I felt like a bit of a tool asking for a freakin' 'Baconator' but whatever, it was amazing. It looked like this.

That's a 'small' meal by the way. Mental. Probably the greatest burger i've ever eaten though. I'll probably go for another tomorrow, unless we find a KFC All You Can Eat, which according to billboards at the side of the I-10, totally do exist. Can you believe that? We've discussed it for about 3 hours. We all agree if it is a real thing, it'll be humanity's greatest achievement. But yeah, Wendys was totally amazing, but I was so full after the 'small' meal that there was no room for a Frosty. Save it for Texas or something.

After joining the I-10, headed West to Tallahassee, we took a detour so we could nip into Georgia. Very worth it.

After so long on the Interstate, we'd not really seen much 'real' America. We saw it when we went to Georgia. Sadly it was pretty poor. I'm not gonna get all douchey, i'll save that for when i've been drinking, but it's pretty sobering to see these beautiful houses sitting not 200 meters from a trailer park where everything looks to be 3 months from either falling apart of spontaneously combusting.

We left Georgia and headed back for the interstate, it was getting a little late and we still had a few hundred miles to go. It was a pretty beautiful drive.

Our last stop in Florida was only just to use a restroom and stretch the legs, but it was probably the best stop of the day. Standing in the car park of a Waffle House, an employee comes over to say hi. Being a complete cynic, I assumed he was coming to flog us some waffles. What an asshole I am. Donte just came over to chat, and in 15 minutes he covered skating, poetry, why there will never be world peace, where the best women in the US are, and the little steps everyone needs to take to make sure the whole world is as happy as it can be. It was incredible, he was a total dude.

Back on the road and it got dark quickly. Still beautiful though.

After about a 12 hour day, and over 700 miles, we finally arrived in Mobile, AL.

We're also all in Central Time for the first time in our lives. The time changes are a novelty which are gonna confuse me forever I think.

I know there is loads i'm missing out, but i'm shattered and desperate to sleep. Oh yeah, before I forget, we've not been in Alabama long. We arrived at the motel, then went and grabbed a few beers at the Touchdown Tavern. But the few Alabamans we've met, there's something... something not quite right. In a Deliverance kind of way. I'm not gonna say anymore.

Tomorrow we're gonna go see some of Mobile in the daylight, and then it's time for New Orleans, LA. It's also Independence Day. There's gonna be trouble, the really good type of trouble. Wish us luck.

A car, yeah?

2009-07-02T18:53:00.000-07:00

Just a quickie because we need to pack up so we can hit the road at 6AM tomorrow.

Here is our ride for the next seven weeks. Proud to present...

Caroline Camry!

So tomorrow, we're heading for Mobile, AL. 700 miles or so. We're totally and utterly stoked.

It begins. Again.

The Good People Of America Pt. I

2009-07-02T15:13:00.001-07:00

Our time in balmy Ft Myers is drawing to a close and it's time to start what will become a regular feature on FFT09. A trip of this magnitude was always going to require the hospitality and good will of friends and strangers to keep us on track. Thankfully we've already received mountainous helpings of both. Here's the first installment of 'The Good People of America'.

Johnny: Our pick up man from Miami International proved to be so much more than that. He gave us the perfect introduction to the US with no nonsense advice and a healthy dose of hip hop.

Best Moment - 'Remember your hats boys. There's a lot of sick people out there.'

Christopher and Rachel: Dot and Bill's nephew and his girlfriend who gave us the first night out of the tour. What was already a great evening at the Fous residence became the all American bar experience we'd all been waiting for and it was all down to these guys and their limitless sense of fun. We drank, we danced, we were oh so very merry.

Best Moment - Dancing and screaming our lungs off to a kick-ass Kid Rock cover.

Roy: Our insurance man who hooked us up but made a much bigger impression (on Scottish Stevie at least). This guy really has it going on. He peppered us with stories from his days following oil from Aberdeen to Africa and knocking people off their feet on the ice rink. He showed us some talent on the ocky and gave us some great places to visit in Boston. Oh yeah, and his wife is gorgeous.

Best Moment - Anytime he cracked out the Scottish accent. 'Fit Like?'

Dot and Bill: To be honest our hosts for the last 3 days deserve a post of their own but this will hopefully do them justice. We cannot say thank you enough for what these two have done for us the last few months, finding us a car making it all legal. Although we've had a few stresses in the last couple of weeks, since we arrived Dot has run around tirelessly for us and as of a couple of hours ago FFT09 is road worthy. We've been fed and watered to bursting point and acclimatised to the tropical conditions by lounging around the pool and their beautiful house. Bill has been working non stop since we got here but has still taken time out to sort the car out and keep us entertained in the evenings. His Poker tutorial was a real eye opener and I think English Glen and Neil now have even bigger plans for Vegas. As excited as we all are to get on the road tomorrow it will be tinged with a little sadness that we have to leave the Fous House behind (They may not say the same!). Thank you again, FFT09 would never have been possible without you.

Best Moment - Far too many to count but the party last night was easily the most American 4 hours of my life and for that I say once again: Thank You.

Day 3- More Ft. Myers

2009-07-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

Day 3 can be summed up pretty easily.

Too much sun.

And waaaaaay too much beer.

Unfortunately we don't have many photos from last night. A bunch of people came over to the house, we all drank a lot of beer, Steve had what must have been like five measures of rum with a dash of coke, we ate the best salmon, we ate the best ribs i've ever tasted... oh boy. [Special mention to Auntie Dot's artichoke dish. It gets the Scottish Stevie seal of approval and yes, it did include mayonnaise]

Just as people are leaving our new friends Chris and Rachel take us to the Buddha Bar. This was the greatest bar ever. Baseball on a big projector, MMA on the tv screens, like 8 dart boards with Americans who can't play darts, a metal band playing awesome covers of Kid Rock, and, best of all, pitchers of Bud Lite for $5. So, like a dollar for a glass of beer. We had so much beer. We also drank this beer a lot quicker than we would normally, as Rachel was pouring salt from a shaker into the beer. We haven't figured out why yet, but apparently that's how she drinks her beer. It tasted of salt.

Neil has found a few photos on his phone.

Here is the band.

Steve just remembered they were called 'Salty Tuna'. Fantastic.

We get kicked out at 2AM, get a cab back home, and wake up this morning hungover to hell. Maybe actually in hell, it's like 90 degrees and 90% humidity. Being hungover in this weather is the worst.

So thanks very much to Chris and Rachel for giving us our first night out of the trip, it was totally bad ass.

My boy done good.

2009-06-30T15:23:00.000-07:00

Just a quick mention in passing to my main man Rob who graduated last week. We're very proud of you Robbie.

Here he is, mincing around.

He's the best mincer. Good work brother.

The choads that goad

2009-06-30T14:41:00.000-07:00

I reckon Scottish Stevie might have just eaten a big slice of pecan pie, and English Glen is probably glibly talking at Neil about how great a particular Mountain Dew flavour is. Back here it's 10:52 PM BST. No matter what they've done today I know it will have been better than this:

Day 2- Ft. Myers

2009-06-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

Our first full day and so far, it has not disappointed.

An early start and the body clocks have adjusted. We breakfast on sultana bran (sultanas coated in sugar) and peanut butter with toast (the extra sugar in the PB is noticeable. This was smooth, but the sugar made it almost crunchy, swear to god). Oh, and fresh mango. Dot's house has a mango tree. And an avocado tree.

So first up, Ft. Myers beach.

Scottish boys on the beach lasted about 45 minutes. I mean, it was hot.

By the point we had fried it was totally lunch time. Thankfully, just off the beach was a Dairy Queen Grill and Chill.

THE FIRST FAST FOOD STOP OF THE TOUR! Lucky, lucky DQ.

Here's how it went. Steve went first, and Steve took it easy. An Original Cheeseburger and a soda (Moutain Dew, then Dr. Pepper). Neil, a Bacon Cheddar Grillburger Combo meal, with Mountain Dew. I sprung for a Double Grillburger Combo Meal. It looked like this...

I mixed and matched with the sodas. I had like a half cup of Sierra Mist, a little bit of Minute Maid Lemonade, and then about a half cup of Mountain Dew. Very, very refreshing. Here's how the experience looked...

Here was the view from our seat (windowless of course, which was a fantastic extra, but the wind picked up towards the end and the boxes started to fly, not so great.)

We have all agreed that the food was totally awesome. The burgers were simple, with mustard, ketchup and wonderfully crunchy pickle. The fries were well salted and well cooked, crispy but not overdone, and very tasty. We didn't spring for dessert because the choice wasn't up to the usual DQ standard, but we were all satisfied anyway. A very good fast food experience.

Job done.

After the beach, we went to Target. We bought toothpaste, Listerine, deodorant, etc. etc. Neil had big expectations and thought he was going to buy a lot. He bought a pack of Orbit. He is still pretty unhappy about the whole thing. I bought a cap. It is the best cap.

After superTarget, we crossed the road and went to the biggest liquor store that we've ever, ever seen. Like... jesus. They have everything you could ever imagine. I don't know anything about wine, but they had all the wine, they had types of beer that we've never even heard of (San Miguel Dark! Dark!), and like 8 different varieties of Kahlua!

Here's a photo of Steve walking thru the store, just to give you a sense of how damned big this thing was.

And here is Scottish Steve and Neil standing in the fridge room at the back, which had kegs ready to go, massive cases of all the main beers, plus all the plastic cups and ice that the whole planet could ever need. Remember, this room is refrigerated.

This was all a little too much for us, so we went home. To the pool. Where we drank beer. And it rained

So far so good. Big love from the FFT Crew. Hope the hospital was fun today, Mike.

Day 1- Ft. Myers, FL.

2009-06-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

We have arrived.

Left Neil's in a taxi at 4:30 AM BST, arrived in Miami Int'l at 8PM BST, or 3PM EST. Our boy Johnny picked us up, taught us some life lessons, and drove us to Ft. Myers. We're shattered. Dot made us a great dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, we had a few beers, watched some baseball, and have retired to bed. Hopefully we get up normal time tomorrow and we're ready to roll.

Tomorrow... the beach, and Wal Mart.

Oh yeah, no time to grab awesome stuff yet today, but I had a Sunkist and Steve had a Mtn Dew, and we were both so very, very happy.

Scottish Stevie's VideoBlog #2

2009-06-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

(Posted courtesy of Mike.)

Putting the FUN back into Fast Food

2009-06-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

The gang here at FFT09 were all exposed to the fruits of the American Dream during our formative years. To say this had whet our appetites would be an understatement (Re: That epic Mountain Dew post below). The problem/infuriating aspect of our special situation - living in Britain 98% of the time - is that we are extremely limited in our choice of fast food. The monotony of McDonald's, Burger King, KFC & Subway (In my opinion the only chains to really get a grip over here...) means now, at age 22, treating myself to junk food has more often than not become an act of desperation or drunken error. That is to say, the fun has been removed from the exercise.

Scottish Steve & English Glen post-bucket in Preston (Britain's 1st KFC)

Excitement about FF was a thing of the past for me. Though my first meal at the pleasure of the Colonel came late in life (See picture above, aged 20), 2 years on and even that experience has dried up, like the bottom of the bucket piece nobody really wants.

What we needed was a wake up call; a glimmer of what could be; and a return to innocent anticipation for the, colourful, sugar-coated (often literally), joy the best FF delivers.

What we got was equal parts luck and mystery (The strange ability of my dad to turn up a nugget of gold from even the most stagnant stream goes way beyond good fortune). On a trip to Wembely (Wembely na na!) we settled on staying in a cheap, and therefore poorly situated, Travelodge in Enfield, London (See picture right: typical scene from Enfield)

During a forray for some eats on our first night in the famous old borough we stumbled on something truly exciting. The sign caught our eye. Could it be? Really? No, surely not. It was.

Tucked away in this little corner of the worst kind of suburbia was a Krispy Kreme outlet. Hallelujah! Salvation in 15 varieties (think double this once we get stateside boys).

Krispy Kreme, Enfield.

The Krispy Kreme brand has been making exceptional donuts for over 70 years and now boasts an enviable selection of almost 30 varieties. The real key to their success though is down to fundamentals. They stick to the tried and tested. Chocolate, cinnamon and of coarse their famous original glaze dominate the menu. Where they differentiate themselves from the crowd is with their selection of creme filled donuts. Silky smooth and delightful.

Then there are my personal favourites. It is those little experimental donuts that really tick my boxes. The mighty 'Maple-glazed' is sensational (just close your eyes and think of England) while the Raspberry-filled takes one of my favourite flavours and stuffs it inside a yeast raised shell slathered in that unmatched glaze. Whooft!

The quality of the product would be worthy of mention (and consumption - oh you know it's gonna be a regular) alone, but KK is more than that to me. It represents the reignition of embers which were on the blink. The rediscovery of the youthful enthusiasm which would spark countless conversations about where our road trip would take us, what we would do and definitely where we would eat.

English Glen & Scottish Steve after flipping the lid on a dozen of KK's finest

The weeks to come will surely be filled with moments of magic to match that day in Enfield when the logo and the glaze brought a little Americana to north London. 14 days until tour. Bring it on.

Reasons We Love America: Episode 37- Mountain Dew

2009-06-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

There are few things on this planet which I am as passionate about as I am Mountain Dew. I have only a limited memory of Mountain Dew in the UK, I believe I was around 9 years old when it was introduced, and full sugar sodas held little weight in the Christie Household. To this day, the fridge at home is under-stocked in the carbonated beverage dept., it's often Pepsi Max or nothing. I'll take nothing, by the way.

I became aware of Mountain Dew on family trips to visit mother's best friend Dorothy, resident of Ft. Myers, FL. who will be the first FFT09 host this summer. In her garage, was my favourite fridge. Lovingly stocked and tended to by her husband William, this fridge was home to, in my memory at least, every single drink known to man. Bill's drink of choice in the evenings was Mountain Dew and white rum. I was never offered any rum, but the Mountain Dew captivated my little soul.

These days i'll grab a Mountain Dew whenever the opportunity presents itself, which is not very often. Sometimes a quirky store somewhere will stock a few cans. At least twice in high school, a few friends and I would chip in and get a case delivered. When mother makes the odd trip to Boston for business, my only request is that she brings home a small bottle of Mountain Dew: Code Red, a cherry flavoured Mountain Dew, which I find goes down particularly well with Southern Comfort.

This summer, I plan on making myself physically sick on this Nectar of the Gods. Here I present the nine Mountain Dew varieties we at FFT09 are most excited about pouring down our gullets.

9- Mountain Dew

Your bog-standard, garden-variety Mountain Dew. A wholly unnatural shade of green, packed with high fructose corn syrup and 'yellow 5' (AKA tartrazine lol) , you know what you get with plain ol' Mountain Dew.

8- Mountain Dew Throwback

This earns the number 8 spot above regular MD simply because it has yet to be sampled. Introduced this year, Throwback uses the old-skool classic MD logo, replaces the HFCS with regular sugar, and leaves out the orange juice. Very exciting, an MD can with the logo to match my Mountain Dew t shirt.

Tied 7- Mountain Dew Game Fuel Horde Red and Mountain Dew Game Fuel Alliance Blue

Hm. Unsure here. Two 'World Of Warcraft' promotional MDs. I'm unsure mainly because of the WoW connection, because we have absolutely no time for this shit, unless it's youtube videos of people trashing 'real life' WoW funerals*, or LEEEEEROYYYYYY JENKINNNNNNS. Nonetheless, they can't be written off, with either a 'cherry-citrus' flavor, or wild berry. And in keeping with the dorky-as-fuck lifestyle of WoW users, it's jam-packed with caffeine. Could come in useful. I especially like the truly evil shade of blue of the wild berry.

5- Mountain Dew Livewire

Mountain Dew Livewire is a tough one for me personally. I'm naturally drawn to it, because it's the orange variety of MD, and I love orange juice in all it's varieties. However deep down in my heart I know that whenever i'm stumping for an orange soda, i'm picking Minute Maid Orange Soda every time, because that truly is what God intended to be made when he invented, y'know, fizz. So Livewire makes a slightly disappointing 5th place, but that isn't to suggest i'm not totally stoked about supping the good stuff again.

4- Mountain Dew Voltage

Now we're talking! Here is where our chart gets interesting... Voltage is the winner of last year's 'People's Dew' contest, DEWmocracy. It was made an official full time member of the crew in December, after beating out stiff competition from Supernova (strawberry, melon, lime and ginseng) and Revolution (wild berry with ginseng). Voltage is Raspberry Citrus and ginseng flavour. The people of America get two thumbs up for this decision, because we all know that raspberry is one of the best flavors for anything. I'm really excited I get to sample this bad boy. Go Voltage!

3- Mountain Dew: Code Red

Ah Code Red, how I adore you. It's cherry flavor, and although like I said raspberry is one of the best flavors, CHERRY IS KING. Cherry is mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Code Red is solid gold, it really is, and may well be my drink of choice for my Last Meal. Really, truly delicious, and like I said, a great mixer for an alcoholic yum yum.

2- Mountain Dew Baja Blast

Holy Cat things are getting exciting at the top! When creating Baja Blast it seems the Mountain Dew flavor makers climbed inside my brain, asked what exact recipe i'd desire most from an MD on my long hot drives across the desert this summer, and pumped it out. Tropical Lime and Pineapple flavored Mountain Dew. Can you think of anything which could even come close to this in terms of tastebud sensation and thirst-quenching power? Because I absolutely cannot.

One catch. And I cannot believe this catch. It's only available at Taco FREAKING Bell. WHAT?! I guess i'll be eating a lot more tacos with Lava Sauce than I planned to this summer. The things we men must endure...

So yes, without further ado...

1- Mountain Dew Cherry Rush

I have to apologize here guys, I cannot, depsite my mad hacking skillz, find a picture of MD Cherry Rush. I assume because like Baja Blast, it's only available at one goddamned fast food outlet, in this instance, Wienerschnitzel, which turns out to be focused on the art of fast hot dogs. Add this one onto the list of fast food outlets to be visited this summer, because I simply HAVE to get my greasy paws onto a supersize Cherry Rush. Apparently, not content with the incredible Code Red, the wonderful American people demanded a new Mountain Dew with even more cherry taste. I'll be honest, i'll have to see it before I truly believe it, but if it does indeed exist, boy oh boy, game on, etc. etc. A more heavily cherry flavored Mountain Dew. If that isn't worthy of the top spot, then nothing is.

I promise to document each Mountain Dew experience this summer extensively. Wearing my Mountain Dew t shirt if possible.

Until next time...

* stick WoW funeral into youtube and laugh for a long time, then feel guilty by association.

Scottish Stevie's VideoBlog #1

2009-06-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

Spiralbound Baby

2009-06-04T09:20:00.000-07:00

Those of you who don't know him, Scottish Stevie is a pretty annoying guy in person. Too much Stevie could be really grating on this trip, and when Glen buys a gun in Walmart it's probably best not to be pissing him off. Fortunately Stevie can be distracted by one of two things:

1) Tits
2) Maps

I'm still working on the first one but the second one is sorted. And just like chebs, Steve has always been of the attitude: "the bigger, the better, eh."

*That's a real adult sized hand, not Stevie's - for those of you who don't know him, Scottish Stevie has freakishly small hands.

25 days...

Don't gimme that! Don't even gimme that! You busted!

2009-06-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

Imagine, if you will, four white dudes cruising any highway, in a bad ass Landrover...

Now, add this song to your imaginary picture.

You have successfully pictured Fast Food Tour '09.

26 days until tour.

OH BABY YOU! YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEED! BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND! BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND!

EDIT: Unfuckingbelieveable. I found this video on youtube today, 13 years or something after the song was released. I love this damned song, and finding it on youtube was a great moment for me and for the Tour. Obviously the tab it was open in was loaded a while back and i've just been listening to it on repeat for... well, a lot of times. I publish this post, click the link... Video Removed Due To Copyright Claims. What the fuck is with that?! Today of all days... man i'm mad. Fortunately, the above video is available which is the song, with some douchebags on skis or something. I dunno, I don't care. Just enjoy the song for what it is. The single greatest song of our time.

2nd Edit: Whoever WMG are, i'm gonna send nasty things to them in an envelope. Why won't they leave the song be? The replacement unfortunately is just a 30 sec snippet of the song from a Heineken ad, but it is one of the best ads ever so better than nothing.

WMG- Watch your backs.

Ditka's Here We Come

2009-06-01T15:59:00.001-07:00

After much grand douchery it is finally official: FastFoodTour'09 have somewhere to reside for two days of babes, beers and deep pan pie. Michael can almost grasp that Cutler jersey. As for Steve, he can almost taste that "Fridge" burger.

29 days...

Manchester HQ

2009-05-21T05:40:00.000-07:00

A flurry of maps and post-its, College Street could be mistaken for the Santos-McGarry HQ. Or 'the core' as English Glen refers to it but make no mistake, no-one's indispensable in my book, because we're like one big organism, one big animal. The guys up in College Street, they're like the mouth. In Westview, the hands.

What am I? Good Question...

Probably the humour.

Places To Visit- Wing Stop

2009-05-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that chicken related fast food joints have a natural advantage in the fast food market. Chicken, in all it's fast forms, is the food of kings. As excited as we all are about Popeyes, KFC, Chick-Fil-A and so on and so forth, Wing Stop has me hooked.

Wing Stop began in Texas, as all the best things do, and now has 550 restaurants across the country. Its national spokesman is Troy Aikman, which is great.

They are 'The Official Wings of the Dallas Cowboys", which is really not great.

But most importantly, they offer nine different flavors of wing. Hawaiian, Garlic Parmesan, Teriyaki, Hickory Smoked BBQ, Lemon Pepper, Mild, Original Hot, Cajun, and Atomic.

Personally i'm most excited about the BBQ, natch, and the Hawaiian, because I have no idea what Hawaii flavour is. I would be real excited about Atomic flavor, but a drunken cocksure mistake in a Durham Nandos a few years back remains fresh in my memory.

You can get a platter of 100 wings. This excites me.

They also serve 'boneless strips', 100% white meat of course, breaded and fried, with the same selection of flavors. For sides, they offer potato salad, creamy coleslaw, hot cheddar cheese sauce, bourbon baked beans, crispy veggie sticks and fresh cut seasoned fries, which look particularly delicious. Three different dips complete the menu, ranch, blue cheese, and honey mustard.

Want. I think a few visits will be in order.

Planning a Trip

2009-05-17T15:37:00.001-07:00

Unfortunately our group was divided last year, when Michael ran off to England with no remorse. Fortunately, the internet exists, so planning the fast food tour has been relatively easy. No need for phonecalls. We are not good at phonecalls.

But the core of the crew remains in St Andrews, and in College Street, trip planning has taken on a physical form.

The Map is my favourite thing in the whole world.

44 days until departure.

52 Days To Go...

2009-05-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

In 52 days time, Stephen Currie, Neil Finlayson and Glen Christie will arrive in Miami, Fl. for a fifty day whirlwind tour of the continental United States. In 67 days, Michael Johnston will land in San Diego, Ca. from Hope Hospital, Salford, to join the tour and provide much needed medical assistance.

This blog will serve to document the trip. And it will be really, really funny.